Not so bad, sometimes, not to be able to sleep

My third most embarrassing open secret is that I can be high strung.  I have a dreadful time sleeping once I’m awake, especially if K woke me up while I was dreaming.

Last night after getting her back to bed at 3:30, I was totally awake.  Totally awake, and cataloging things that scare or hurt me.  I prayed, I forgave the people who had bothered me( probably repeats of other nights forgiveness), I confessed my worries, and tried to plan them without worrying about them.  I got cranky again at the people who have hurt me, confessed that (again)…What an embarrassing cycle, I’m reading great books to my kids, I’m reading my Bible daily (through the Bible in one Year is up to Ezekial – kind of weird racy stuff some of it, my eyebrows hit the ceiling when I read it in Pioneer Girl Camp during nap hour)  why do I  think of that stuff when I can’t sleep?

Then I thought of the big sloped meadows of Huntersfield, that smell of hay and wild thyme.  I remembered the verse "Be completely humble and gentle, the Lord is near." and for once did not ask snarkily, if that is a warning or a comfort but got out of bed, stretched my sore muscles, and thought productively about my worries:

I don’t  have to have finished scrapbook pages to present my trip to China to my geography class, it is enough that I tell them the story with the photos secured to the cardstock with nothing but the tension of the page protector.  In fact, looking at the calender, this is the last class I have to lecture in because the kids present their project on the last two days of co-op, so this is the last week I have to prepare any sort of lecture or activity for them.  What a relief.  Researching and Preparing a lecture in one week is just too short a time.  Note to self; re-read this before attending the next planning meeting for anything.

K woke up again at 6AM, DH got up with her, listened sympathetically to my brain dump, and took K for a walk to the convenience store for some milk.  I wrote our menu and grocery list.

There, my two big worries done before breakfast.  It may be embarrassing, but it was a blessing too.

How did the rest of the morning go? (not that its completely gone yet, it just feels that way from daylight savings)  I can’t think of proper nouns, I can’t get my kid’s jokes, and we finished kitchen table school already, so I must have cracked the whip, though nobody cried but K – and isince she wanted to play with the paring knife, oh well, she can be thwarted.  M is sick, so we stopped his school early – we really weren’ t getting anywhere.  I pulled out some art supplies and M drew with K while B and I caught up on adverbs.  None of my formal schooling ever got to adverbs, so I’m into new territory.

I wonder if maybe I’m also getting sick, in which case, I’m not neurotic, I’m feverish.  Much more respectable. ;-)


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