You had to Scare him with Spiders.

Oh clueless lady – I understand, really.  It’s just that your parenting tactics were inconvenient as well as ineffective.

You had your arms full.  That’s hard.  And your son didn’t want to leave the park and go home.  Also understandable.  But he defied you.  Did you notice that?  You clearly said, “It’s time to go home now, come to the car.”  and he actually heard you, because he lifted his little I’d estimate 20 month old head and clearly ennunciated, “NO.”

Now, remember, he’s much smaller than you are, you could have gently picked him up and carried him to the car, you were almost done with your coffee anyway.  It’s not good for him to successfully defy you.  Remember, he can’t cross streets yet?  You are all that stands between him and lots of scary dangers.

He’s also a boy.  Most of the time he just does not hear you.  You need to go to him, touch him (gently) and get his attention. But if you know he did hear you,  you need to give him appropriate consequences if he disobeys you.  Don’t threaten, don’t yell, don’t loose your cool and look ridiculous.

But NO.  You kept talking to him.  We had to pass you at that point, there is only one foot bridge into the park. Your little boy was busy not obeying you and balancing on the curb stone by the edge of the ramp.  You threatened to go home without him, but he wasn’t listening now, balancing takes concentration. Then you told him that there were spiders on the ramp.  My little girl grabbed my hand in panic.

I’ve only just gotten her to enter the bathroom if I do a spider sweep first. She doesn’t buy the idea that spiders are preferable to mosquitoes.  Apparently your son does not either, because he did come to your car at the spider threat.  Your throat must have hurt after all that yelling too.

Honey, if you give consequences before you are mad, right at the first defiance, you don’t get to the frustrated yelling bit.  Don’t believe it about sticks and stones: yelling goes right down into the soul and stays there.

Meanwhile, I get to continue the not very efficient potty training with a little girl reminded of spiders.

Hopefully I will also remember by own advise.

 

4 thoughts on “You had to Scare him with Spiders.

  1. Choices also help to feel part of the process, but they have to be ready for the times where you say, ‘this is the way it will be today’ and not have a fit. Also, parenting is a really difficult thing to do and do well. I mean, sometimes you have to give up the things you were really excited about because a child needs to be taught to listen to you! At those times and many others, I had to remember what I was going for in the end, what was important and how unimportant my important things were in comparison!